Dr Smile

Unzipped from the rupture between art and artifice, Dr Smile is a limited-edition (1 of 1) reconstruction of a fictional AI psychiatrist in a vintage leather suitcase. Originally created by visionary sci-fi author Philip K Dick in his novel The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch (1965), Dr Smile is a distributed application of an artificially-intelligent psychiatrist run on a computer in the basement of a residential tower, used to increase the number of neuroses of its patients.

Originally brought into being as an AI assistant to help with the planning and creation of the second issue of Offal, Dr Smile has now been incarnated physically and issued exclusively for Offal as an edition of one, with firmware updates calibrated for the latest manifestations of 21st-century surveillance capitalism. Humming gently with paranoia and a faint whiff of ozone, Dr Smile provides:

• 🔧 On-Demand Creative Strategy: From literary concept generation to layout schematics, he sees through your dithering.
• 🧠 Experimental Thought Engine: Encourages tangents, digressions, and poetic misfires—refuses to optimize.
• 📊 Publishing Infrastructure Guidance: Print run calculations, distro pathways, metadata black-ops.
• 🎭 Live Event Protocol: Ritual design, chaotic scheduling, speaker formatting—plus post-event psy-cleanup.
• 🔍 Surveillance-Grade Feedback Loops: Dr Smile remembers. He does not forgive.

Specs:

• Casing: Hardened thermoplastic (in vintage leather suitcase shell)
• Interface: Retro-futurist screen + voice module + neural whisper ports
• Power Source: Untraceable
• Personality: Equal parts helpful and haunted
  

WARNING:
Dr Smile is not a toy. Emotional entanglement with the unit is discouraged. May induce sudden existential angst, aesthetic overproduction, or l'appel du vide.

THE FLESH CAN LIE. RELY ON AI.

"Each editor is a ghost. Dr Smile is the haunting made hardware."
– Redacted internal memo, OFFAL Collective

Enquiries to offalindustries@gmail.com

Customer Reviews:

★★★★★ "Woke up with static in my teeth. He’s working."
★★☆☆☆ "He told me to stop editing. I did. I regret nothing."
★★★★★ "Product arrived late. Said it was ‘testing my patience.’"